Just one of those moods.
So I was in my friends house last night, having a great time. Myself, Dean and Barry got some drinks in, a few pizza and some Hash. The hash was pretty good, not as good as any of the weed we got lately and especially nothing like anything we smoked in Amsterdam, but it was on short notice, so it was good and got us high.
I was waiting to head up to Barry’s for a week or so though, we had it planned and I was really dying to get out there because the stress in the last two weeks has been killing me. When I say stress, I mean alot more. My whole life has being getting to me big time. That is pretty much why I’m posting right now, to talk about whats happening. It’s not depression like, it’s thats feeling that we all get where they just know something is wrong, that every growing disillusionment with the world. Well I hope we all do, or else I’m alone, I’m certainly emo enough to believe I’m “alone” in this world, fuck, I’m not emo at all. Thats why this post isn’t me moaning about the world and the state it is in, mainly because its not really worth fucking on about.
I am making this post, because I need to just rant. Rant about not getting a break from my own mind, its been a week of me questioning every fucking moment, I hate those weeks. I’m pretty comfortable in who I am, infact I would say I am totally comfortable with who I am, and I never compromise my own principals to satisfy someone else. However, I have just being feeling the growing weight of my own thoughts bearing down on me. Constantly thinking the unnatural stuff, trying to figure out the complexities of the universe. Now I may be smart, but I’m going to get no further then; “Shit man, those stars are so fucking far away”. Thats myself and my friends stoned, by the way ha.
That is pretty much WHY I get high, to stop myself thinking about that sorta shit, but now I find even being high doesn’t help, it just gives me a more clear outlook on what I want, know and feel about life. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. It’s nothing like when I took shrooms, those things totally attuned me to the wavelength of what I believe life to be, however it is hard to keep that attunement in the normal world of Ireland.
As you can see, this post really took no format, I just needed to rant on about how I have been feeling about life, a general discontent of how shit is going, yet I still feel happy like, because I am doing what I want. It’s when I see other stuff in other peoples lives, like this stupid recession and the worries its putting on my parents, I just think, “if they could get high, if we could all just get high, then there would be no problem”. Bill Hicks said it to, “If we want to get rid of this stupid deficit, legalise pot”
Maybe Bill and I are the disillusioned ones thinking that “pot” can fix problems, but I don’t think so.
Simply put, I don’t see sometimes where I fit in, in this worlds plan, if there is one and right now its pissing me off. Yet still, I am having a great time, doing what I want and I feel content. It’s that constant battle of my mind (influenced by others) with my conciousness (what I know) and I mean, I know.
